Skin Horse

By Shaenon K. Garrity & Jeffrey C. Wells
By Shaenon K. Garrity & Jeffrey C. Wells
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2014-05-28
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2014-05-28

by shaenon on May 28, 2014 at 12:01 am
Chapter: The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
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Discussion (35) ¬

  1. Efogoto
    May 28, 2014, 12:50 am | # | Reply

    I hate that guy!

    • Towering Barbarian
      May 28, 2014, 12:54 am | # | Reply

      Me too. Honest. But only for about 2 minutes. >_>

      • Darkstarr
        May 14, 2016, 10:04 am | # | Reply

        But doesn’t 2 + 2 = 5?

        • Chris
          October 1, 2016, 11:28 pm | # | Reply

          Only for sufficiently large values of 2.

  2. Chris Brunner
    May 28, 2014, 12:50 am | # | Reply

    Wasn’t Emmanuel Goldstein the real name of hacker Cereal Killer from the 1995 classic movie “Hackers”?

    • D. Walker
      May 28, 2014, 9:55 am | # | Reply

      Cereal Killer? Quick, hide the Fruit Loops!

      • Rex Vivat
        May 28, 2014, 10:44 am | # | Reply

        I dunno, I’d rather have my cereal not be alive when I eat it.

    • BRGR
      May 28, 2014, 1:47 pm | # | Reply

      Cereal Killer was his real name. Emmanuel Goldstein was his true name.
      It was, as it is here, an allusion to 1984 by George Orwell, in which Emmanuel Goldstein was the name Big Brother gave to the leader of all those independent thinkers who hate our freedoms.

  3. BMunro
    May 28, 2014, 1:25 am | # | Reply

    You know, I can see Sweetheart as quite happily embracing Doublethink if it meant a steady stream of official paperwork.

    (Sweetheart, the standard traitor is _Benedict Arnold_, at least in the USA.)

    • Robert Nowall
      May 28, 2014, 5:47 am | # | Reply

      Thought Sweetheart was Canadian.

      • BMunro
        May 29, 2014, 5:26 am | # | Reply

        Yes, so she needs to learn the appropriate US hate-figure.

    • BRGR
      May 29, 2014, 1:47 am | # | Reply

      Benedict Arnold is in American mythology what Judas is in Christian mythology.
      But Captain’s Fancy Valentine Sweetheart is neither American, nor, apparently, Christian. Instead, she seems to be more familiar with the writings of a certain known Communist. (Who did her background check, the CIA?)
      She is lucky that Congress has made no law prohibiting the free exercise of religion, and Joseph McCarthy is dead and buried.

      • hikari
        May 29, 2014, 2:38 am | # | Reply

        Quisling is also used in Europe (at least amongst people who know who he was). His name actually is in the dictionary as meaning “traitor”, iirc.

      • luciferlordofpride
        May 5, 2016, 4:34 pm | # | Reply

        This takes place at least as recently as the present day. Surely you realize that the House Un-American has long since been disbanded, no?

  4. Billie
    May 28, 2014, 1:28 am | # | Reply

    I still cant shake the feeling that this is all playing out just the way Gavotte wanted it to.

    • Rex Vivat
      May 28, 2014, 7:16 am | # | Reply

      Well, of course. Do you get the feeling that fire is hot, too?

    • ChaoreX
      May 28, 2014, 8:09 am | # | Reply

      Everything always plays out just the way Gavotte wants it to

      • jdreyfuss
        May 29, 2014, 7:36 pm | # | Reply

        Gavotte is like a cat. If things don’t go exactly her way, she changes her goals to fit the outcome and spins it to be as favorable to her plan as possible.

        • Kitirena
          May 14, 2016, 10:06 am | # | Reply

          Quiet, two-legs. We can’t have you giving out all of our secrets, nyao…

          • WJS
            July 12, 2019, 11:27 am | #

            That’s not a secret. Anyone who’s ever owned a cat is familiar with “I meant to do that”.

  5. grantwhy
    May 28, 2014, 2:33 am | # | Reply

    I think Sweetheart is wrong about Unity.

    She didn’t come for the files, she came for Bubbles (you in the back row, stop sniggering)

    Bubbles would of taken the files, yes, but Unity only wanted Bubbles so they can go on their ‘coffee date’

    • maarvarq
      May 28, 2014, 6:30 am | # | Reply

      you in the back row, stop sniggering
      Sorry, Sir, couldn’t help myself, Sir *snerk*

    • s854
      May 28, 2014, 9:25 am | # | Reply

      She’s wrong about Moustachio, too, of course. Given the 1984 reference, I wonder what it will take for her to confess.

  6. Alphaghoul
    May 28, 2014, 2:53 am | # | Reply

    I look up Emmanuel goldstien and apparently it’s a reference to another reference.

    • Robert Nowall
      May 28, 2014, 5:46 am | # | Reply

      “Nineteen Eighty Four,” by George Orwell. Officially-hated “Villain” based on Trotsky.

  7. Robert Nowall
    May 28, 2014, 5:48 am | # | Reply

    I wonder at what point someone says “the hell with this,” and stops bothering and / or clears out while the others slug it out. Are they getting *that* much of a raise over it?

    • Miserichord
      May 28, 2014, 8:18 am | # | Reply

      That depends on where they are on the GS pay scale.
      Each GS grade (GS1, GS2, etc.) has 10 pay ranks. You generally go up one rank for every 2-3 years of service. Once you reach the top rank, your pay is capped, except for cost of living increases. At that point, the only way to get a raise is by being promoted to a higher grade. At the time of promotion, you can start at any pay rank in that grade.
      In general, the lowest pay rank in any grade is the same as rank 4 in the next lower grade.
      As an example , if Tip is a GS 3, rank 5 or higher, and is promoted to a GS4, rank 1, he would be getting less pay after the promotion.
      If he is a GS3, rank 4, and is promoted to a GS4 rank 3, he would be getting a significant salary increase, roughly $3k annually.
      Gavotte offered promotions, but didn’t specify pay ranks, so she could actually end up cutting pay.

      Calculator at http://www.fedsdatacenter.com/gs-pay-calculator/

      • Robert Nowall
        May 28, 2014, 9:56 am | # | Reply

        Getting a raise / promotion…getting the hell beat out of them….tough choice.

  8. Eddurd
    May 28, 2014, 6:46 am | # | Reply

    (TUNE: “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)”, The Proclaimers)

    When you wake up, well, I know you’re gonna see,
    You’re gonna see that we must fight Moustachio!
    When we face him, well, I know I’m gonna say,
    I’m gonna say, “This just ain’t right, Moustachio!”
    What’s he doing? Well, I’m not sure what he’ll do,
    When he’s like this, he isn’t quite Moustachio …
    When he’s speaking (when he’s speaking) in a font like Courier,
    That’s when we say, “You’re wound too tight, Moustachio!”

     But I have scanned in half the files,
     And I would scan the other half!
     But the D. of I. has swiped them all,
     I bet Gavotte will have a laugh!

    Service is my (service is my) service is my (service is my)
    Joy, only joy, only joy, only joy, only joy, is joy!
    Service is my (service is my) service is my (service is my)
    Joy, only joy, only joy, only joy, only joy, is joy …

    • kicking_k
      May 28, 2014, 11:25 am | # | Reply

      Aaaagh! You may have caused me to imagine Sweetheart talking in a gruff Fife accent. And that’s just wrong. Granted, both Fifers and Canadians sometimes pronounce “about” as “aboot”.

      Awesome filk, though.

  9. hikari
    May 28, 2014, 1:17 pm | # | Reply

    Much love for the Nineteen Eighty-Four reference 🙂

    (Also much love for I now I have Skin Horse comic books and bonus comic strip!)

  10. morpheus2025
    May 28, 2014, 3:13 pm | # | Reply

    At what point do you just fake the data, to complete your task?

  11. Shadowmehr
    May 28, 2014, 6:37 pm | # | Reply

    Oookay. Anyone else get the feeling that the sonic pulse may have hit Sweetheart a little harder than expected? Orwellian quoting is not her normal mindset.

  12. Shane Wegner
    May 29, 2014, 1:44 am | # | Reply

    At least the sonic weapons don’t utilize Brown Note technology.
    “The brown note is a hypothetical infrasonic frequency that would cause humans to lose control of their bowels due to resonance. ”
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brown_note

  13. jdreyfuss
    January 24, 2020, 8:01 am | # | Reply

    Oh my God, this is Crackers Don’t Matter.

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