Skin Horse

By Shaenon K. Garrity & Jeffrey C. Wells
By Shaenon K. Garrity & Jeffrey C. Wells
Color by Pancha Diaz
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2014-12-31
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2014-12-31

by shaenon on December 31, 2014 at 12:01 am
Chapter: Mixed-Up Files
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Discussion (57) ¬

  1. jbevan70
    December 31, 2014, 12:07 am | # | Reply

    With the odd pacing, I can see her delivering this while sounding like a feminine Christopher Walken.

    • Feech
      December 31, 2014, 12:18 am | # | Reply

      I hear Pearl Forrester from MST3K when she was nervous about her mad science presentation.

    • Ron Armstrong
      December 31, 2014, 1:25 am | # | Reply

      Or a girly William Shatner.

      • Salty
        December 31, 2014, 3:35 am | # | Reply

        Funny, that’s exactly what I was about to say.

    • Daniel
      December 31, 2014, 3:42 pm | # | Reply

      I actually hear Joel Robinson from MST3K.

  2. Michael Brewer
    December 31, 2014, 12:24 am | # | Reply

    I’m waiting for her to leave the slightly aggrieved note alluded to in her first Rampage.

  3. Michael Brewer
    December 31, 2014, 12:33 am | # | Reply

    ….Given how many of their office supplies are Machine Union, I have to wonder whether the office john might BE a better villain.

    • BMunro
      December 31, 2014, 2:18 am | # | Reply

      And here we see the typical right-wing demonization of Unions… 🙂

      • Eddddd the mad genius
        December 31, 2014, 3:11 am | # | Reply

        I think they were referring to the fact that the machines are intelligent, not that unions make you evil. I could be wrong though.

        • sbaker
          December 31, 2014, 9:58 am | # | Reply

          I think that reply was a joke. At least, I hope so. 😉

          • BMunro
            December 31, 2014, 4:38 pm | #

            How many smile-ies am I required to add to prevent confusion?

      • Gyrre
        January 12, 2015, 1:03 pm | # | Reply

        How strange. In my own experience, it’s normally leftists that try to et rid of unions.

    • John Campbell
      December 31, 2014, 11:42 am | # | Reply

      There’s a limit to how much getting crapped on a ‘bot can take before there’s no option but RAMPAGE.

      • irdburns
        December 31, 2014, 12:59 pm | # | Reply

        I find the idea of a rampaging toilet oddly terrifying. A steady stream of people vanishing from the office, their bodies turning up in the local sewer system…sounds like a crappy x files plot.

        • Stickmaker
          December 31, 2014, 2:46 pm | # | Reply

          Y’know, there’s already a movie about a bed which devours those who sleep on it…

          • roberttheaddled
            December 31, 2014, 3:03 pm | #

            EARLY short between movies on HBO had movie reels that unrolled themselves and ate people, then spooled themselves back up I recall this from my grandparents house late 70’s or early 80’s.

            Awesome – found it online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-Qeee8D2Ro

          • Robert Nowall
            December 31, 2014, 5:56 pm | #

            Ooh! I remember seeing that back then.

  4. --jt--
    December 31, 2014, 12:34 am | # | Reply

    I’m waiting for a stray pus to pass underped.

  5. Sean K.
    December 31, 2014, 12:45 am | # | Reply

    Gotta have a filk from those spud boys from Akron…

    (Tune: “Beautiful World” by DEVO)

    They are glorious, my creations
    But laughed at for too long
    Suffering fools everywhere
    The way they point and stare
    Makes me want to say

    Suffer under my lash
    Suffer under my lash
    Suffer under my lash
    You fools!
    You fools!
    You fools!

    The American mall is dying
    There’s nothing quite so sad
    Manufacturing has declined
    So they likely won’t mind
    When I make them pay

    Suffer under my lash
    Suffer under my lash
    Suffer under my lash
    You fools!
    You fools!
    You fools!

    This rant’s from me (Aha ha ha ha ha!)
    And not Mom (Aha ha ha ha ha!)
    And not John (Aha ha ha ha ha!)
    You fools! (Aha ha ha ha ha!)

    • Seth
      December 31, 2014, 2:10 am | # | Reply

      *Applause*
      Devo’s near-deadpan vocals fit so well with today’s strip, too.

  6. Adama
    December 31, 2014, 1:30 am | # | Reply

    I grew up near Akron. I wonder if I’ve been to that mall?

  7. irdburns
    December 31, 2014, 1:42 am | # | Reply

    Given that in Narbonic I discovered that the exact building I used to work in was later infested by deranged hamsters bent on global domination (the Sylvan Learning Center) I’m betting it’s real.

    …Chapel Hill Mall?

    • irdburns
      December 31, 2014, 1:43 am | # | Reply

      Was meant to be a reply to Adama…

    • roberttheaddled
      December 31, 2014, 9:54 am | # | Reply

      If Chapel Hill Mall – she’s walking towards the food court – given the perspective on Auntie Anne’s Pretzel shop.

      Can’t put a fix on the first panel – map of the mall doesn’t seem to fit that view. Could be an artistic license/hybrid – or a different mall after all.

      • Adama
        December 31, 2014, 12:29 pm | # | Reply

        I think Randall Park mall closed down a while back, but that’s closer to Cleveland than Akron.

    • shaenon
      December 31, 2014, 3:55 pm | # | Reply

      The mall is based on the now-abandoned-and-super-creepy Rolling Acres (Google it), my childhood mallma mater. I was very pleased that Jeff’s scripts gave me an opportunity to draw it.

      I want credit for inventing “mallma mater.”

      • oneuniverse2
        December 31, 2014, 4:02 pm | # | Reply

        Do we need to put a little (R) next to mallma mater when we use it?

  8. Robert Nowall
    December 31, 2014, 2:33 am | # | Reply

    Next time Sweetheart should go to the rehersals…

    • Shadowmehr
      December 31, 2014, 7:29 pm | # | Reply

      Wooden dialogue, robotic actress, engineered dog running it.

      Sounds like it ran according to plan after all.

  9. Frank Hightower
    December 31, 2014, 2:49 am | # | Reply

    Wait, we’ve met Sweetheart’s mom, right?

    and “You have laughted at my!” is my new favorite sentence

    • roberttheaddled
      December 31, 2014, 10:05 am | # | Reply

      Her “Wire Mom’ which was essentially a form w/ a bottle.

      Her creator (Doctor Bram I believe) was dead before she ran off and eventually joined SH. One of the KS short stories had her being rescued from the pound by Artie, and he introduced her to SH.

      • Michael Brewer
        December 31, 2014, 10:11 pm | # | Reply

        Ok, there really needs to be a way to get the KS stories after the KS is over. Because that sounds awesome and I want to read it.

        • Jeffrey C. Wells
          December 31, 2014, 10:57 pm | # | Reply

          Michael, while one of the KS stories is of Sweetheart and Captain Bram interacting, the specific story that Robert is referencing is the “secret” filename story, which unspools a couple words a day in the names of the images as uploaded by Shaenon. Alert reader J. Campbell has been doing a great job compiling it as it comes down the pipe: Check it out!

          • roberttheaddled
            December 31, 2014, 11:59 pm | #

            Ya – I’m definitely getting my stories commingled. I don’t think I have the KS story of Bram/Sweetheart, but there were some flashbacks if I recall during the Alaska arc. Time to check my files.

            I tend to think of the filename story as more of a Tip ‘origin’ story than a Sweetheart origin.

  10. Manifesta
    December 31, 2014, 3:25 am | # | Reply

    Re villains from the office john: I remember from the Narbonic filename story what Helen cooked up in the bathroom of an Italian restaurant, so, yeah, Nick is right.

    • roberttheaddled
      December 31, 2014, 10:00 am | # | Reply

      I hadn’t thought of it that way (converting the bathroom for parts) – I mentally envisioned her pulling an Agatha (at full rant) and building a monstrosity/device as she stormed back toward the table.

      I wonder if the Lawyer survived? One of the comically indestructible like Othar perhaps?

      • irdburns
        December 31, 2014, 10:31 am | # | Reply

        I’m pretty sure that story ended with him dying and his last thoughts being that he was proud to be killed by a Narbon. Not that death is necessarily permanent mind you.

        • roberttheaddled
          December 31, 2014, 11:36 am | # | Reply

          Sometimes I imagine that 20 odd years from now people (probably us or our grandkids) will be discussing which stories are part of the core Narboniverse – much like the way Asimov tied together his robots trilogy, the galactic empire trilogy (three stand-alones such as “the stars like dust”) and the Foundation series.

          • GammarayCanon
            December 31, 2014, 3:39 pm | #

            Or like people discuss religion.

          • oneuniverse2
            December 31, 2014, 4:05 pm | #

            Are we going to pull in the Foglio’s work, too?

          • roberttheaddled
            December 31, 2014, 5:02 pm | #

            oneuniverse2 – I think that the Foglio’s universe deviated far enough back in any potential time calculations that it would be considered separately. I WOULD however, give the Foglio’s short story contribution to the Narbonic volumes, give that each influenced the other,

            On a very much related note – I recently (finally) read the novelizations of the Girl Genius graphic novels. They DEFINATELY add background in some areas (character motives and such) and include scenes that are NOT in the online or graphic tomes. Highly recommended. I even passed the first off to my mother (she liked the Potter and Twilight books) to read. I’m already looking forward to volume 4….. alas – probably a couple years away.

  11. GammarayCanon
    December 31, 2014, 6:02 am | # | Reply

    Maybe they could set it to the tune of a song, if they want her to say it properly?

  12. Eddurd
    December 31, 2014, 7:34 am | # | Reply

    (TUNE: “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)”, The Proclaimers)

    Now I’m ready … yes, I’m ready now to rant
    Outside this old abandoned Akron shopping mall!
    Try to threaten … try to threaten, but I can’t,
    See the decline of this once fine old shopping mall!
    As I’m reading … well, I stammer and I halt,
    I am distracted by this poor old shopping mall!
    And I’m saying … yes, I’m saying it’s the fault
    Of foreign trade, that has unmade this shopping mall!

     And I would wreck five hundred malls
     And I will wreck five hundred more,
     Just so I could then restore them to
     Their heydey, as they were before!

    J.C. Penney! Sears & Roebuck!
    Barnes & Noble, with a Starbucks!
    Who the heck is Sam Goody? Wonder where could he be?
    O the sadness! O the sorrow!
    JoAnn Fabrics, and Sbarro!
    Abercrombie & Fitch, yeah, life is a bitch! (Like me!)

    • Tom Flapwell
      December 31, 2014, 10:18 am | # | Reply

      Excellent. Now I’m trying to imagine what Benny of “Benny & Joon” would do in this comic.

    • kicking_k
      January 4, 2015, 7:06 pm | # | Reply

      Well played!
      …Of course, the Proclaimers’ other fine song “Letter from America” has a similar theme (the need to emigrate following the decline of industry in Scotland)… though I dunno if it’s obvious if you’re not Scottish and don’t know the relevance of all the placenames. Not that I would have any idea where Akron is or what kind of place it is if I hadn’t been told, either…

  13. Robert Nowall
    December 31, 2014, 7:57 am | # | Reply

    Like the earmuffs / headphones. Nice touch.

  14. JohnySmiles
    December 31, 2014, 9:33 am | # | Reply

    You know, I think the slightly iritated fiscal rants might actually make her seem like more of a mad scientist…

  15. Miyaa
    December 31, 2014, 1:57 pm | # | Reply

    Physically, the American mall has been downsized into various strip malls where stores have more control over the size and look of their shoppes. In reality, Amazon, Ebay, and Etsy has made the whole physical store concept (including much of the Walmarts, Barnes & Nobles, Costcos, etc.) obsolete.

    And in fifty years, Generation Beta will be laughing that we used to go to websites to buy things when everything is now 3D printed, Star Trekked Replicated, or is crafted from a hologram room. The whole concept of games is obsolete except for the sad guy who is somehow able to create a world where Zelda saves Link with the help of some genie named Shantae.

    • oneuniverse2
      December 31, 2014, 4:08 pm | # | Reply

      Actually, I think there’s a place for Costcos because not everyone needs more than 50 rolls of toilet paper per order, at least for the foreseeable future.

      Now we could start a discussion of how the general economy is organized with Replicators everywhere.

  16. davidbreslin101
    December 31, 2014, 3:15 pm | # | Reply

    Reading, aloud from: a! script- in Character? is a bit of a skill, and harder than you might think. I went along to various readings at a convention recently, and most of the first-time novelists speaking really struggled with it.

    • Sheik
      December 31, 2014, 5:04 pm | # | Reply

      As a former employee of Recording for the Blind and Dyslexic, I can attest that even reading dry text is a challenge if you are also trying to enunciate clearly and keep the proper pacing.
      Granted, I wasn’t paid for my work, but I cannot say I was proud of it either.

      • roberttheaddled
        December 31, 2014, 6:08 pm | # | Reply

        I’m reminded of a quote I found in the newspaper (and sometimes online) comic Stone Soup (which has a strong cast of female characters).

        The mother was emphasizing punctuation to the eldest daughter and used the sentence “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”

        She then promptly turned it around into “Woman. Without her, Man is nothing.”

        That is the power of pacing and punctuation. Completely changes the text.

        • Saberbeam
          December 31, 2014, 7:02 pm | # | Reply

          Punctuation isn’t just powerful, it saves lives.

        • Saberbeam
          December 31, 2014, 7:50 pm | # | Reply

          And it would seem that the either I messed up the html code, or it didn’t post properly. At any rate, that was supposed to include a link to the T-shirt that points out the crucial difference between the phrases “Let’s eat, Grandma.” and “Let’s eat Grandma.”

  17. David DeLaney
    September 1, 2015, 4:57 am | # | Reply

    Andrew, Beckwith pities; her . ..!

    –Dave, obligatory obscure Usenet reference

  18. jdreyfuss
    January 24, 2020, 12:29 pm | # | Reply

    I assume that’s supposed to be Rolling Acres Mall. In a weird twist, the City of Akron recently foreclosed on another mall for hundreds of thousand of dollars in unpaid utility bills.

    • Shaenon
      January 24, 2020, 2:37 pm | # | Reply

      It is! Those two malls were my local malls growing up (along with the Monroeville Mall, setting of Dawn of the Dead, when we were visiting the family in Pittsburgh).

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