My best TPK would one drowned in the Kansas river along with half the supplies lost, another from snake bite, another from dysentery and another from a broken leg. The last starved to death with 2 broken legs and a broken arm, lost in December blizzards between Grande Ronde and The Dalles after the axle broke and he didn’t have any spares and nothing to trade, not even spare clothes, bullets or oxen. He was already down the last ox.
Funnily enough, we actually did try to play the game ‘correctly’. Though we had a speedrun mentality.
(I was the ‘smart’ one who realized that one buffalo would be more than your carrying capacity, so you shoot one, quit, go back, shoot another, quit, rinse and repeat, then sell a metric ton of meat and buy yourself a caravan’s worth of wagon parts and replacements.)
Slow start, but a lightning finish.
There’s an updated version of the original out there for ios and android, I believe, but more appropriately for readers here, there’s The Organ Trail, which involves considerably more zombies than the original.
Oh, we’re locked up in the Institute,
Where ev’ryone is mad!
And though the food is pretty good,
The clothes are really bad!
When Tigerlily says “We will be
Off and busting out,”
Ms. Frog’s afraid, but she’s persuaded,
Hearing Prudence shout …
[CHORUS:]
”Co-ne-sto-ga,
You’ll kill them thoroughly!
You’re my pride and joy,
And you’ll destroy
Those fools who laughed at me!”
Now Prudence has been in too long,
Her brain is really messed!
It’s in the 19th century
And in the wild old west!
Destroy her foes? Well, once she could
When all her wits she had …
But you can tell her plan’s no good
Because her hat is bad! [repeat CHORUS]
An electrified wagon must make it hard for her to cross rivers. I guess if she has enough money on her, she could just pay for the ferry every time, but that’s the most boring way to win.
It seems to me that if you’re going to have a Conestoga of Death with a built-in Dysentery Ray, you’d want it to fly or hover, to get over the results of your weaponry. That would solve the river-crossing problem.
Now, the time-rustlers going after her oxen, well clearly they were not just ordinary oxen. After all, this is a woman who’s created a Conestoga of Death. I suspect that they were steam-powered cyber-oxen, at the very least. Maybe with Darth Vader-style masks, both for the sound effects and the coolness.
Or, from the evidence of her hat, she could just be crazy. I mean, nobody wears that style at this time of year.
I keep wanting someone to make a more complex & nuanced Oregon Trail for today. One where choosing Carpenter instead of Banker improves your odds of fixing wagon axle breaks, where you can choose whether or not to travel with a caravan (better odds of surviving disease, if a doctor’s in the pack, and people to share that buffalo with so it doesn’t go to waste, but worse odds of finding food in bad conditions, and higher chances of catching disease to start with). It’d help me get over my childhood heartbreak when I realized the “professions” weren’t roleplaying skillsets, just pure difficulty level by $$$ available. I’d play that.
Secret bonus mode: you & your party are time travelers who come pre-inoculated against measles, diphtheria, etc and who know how to boil water enough to avoid dysentery.
I’d be all about that, roleplay capability with both skills and party management (in epic cross country treks personalities can become an issue, especially in a caravan) would need to be a special focus.
I’m wondering now: Imogene is an _actual_ 1950s gal displaced in time, while Tigerlilly, at least as far as I know, is 1970s as personal stylistic choice or obsession. Did Prudence arrive from the 19th century on a butter-churn powered time machine [1] or does she just _think_ she’s a native of the 1860s? Or are my assumptions about Tigerlily wrong?
[1] In which case her choice of hat is more defensible
That Conestoga of Death might have room for several passengers during the breakout so long as Imogene and Tigerlily remember not to laugh at Prudence while they’re still at the Institute and both of them seem the sorts who would be too polite for that even if they weren’t genre-savvy Sparks. ^_^
*ponders*
Mind you, I wouldn’t be surprised if Miss Jone’s sartorial analysis might not mean that they would now both have to don pioneer appropriate clothing in order to ride the Conestoga with Miss Fairweather. <_<
You death-rayed 1897 pounds of fools who laughed! But you could only carry 100 pounds back to the dissection chamber.
Those fools will rue the day they chose to cross my rivers!
My Chimney Rock Cannon will make short work of them!
…I’m not even gonna try to top that one.
But I’d play that.
Too many games of Oregon Trail in school, I take it.
It is impossible to have too many games of Oregon Trail.
Oh, wait, no it isn’t.
We always used to compete to see who could get the best TPK. That, or who could wipe out the bison fastest.
…..a few rebellious souls tried actually playing the game properly. They mostly got laughed at.
We definitely played it a little too much.
My best TPK would one drowned in the Kansas river along with half the supplies lost, another from snake bite, another from dysentery and another from a broken leg. The last starved to death with 2 broken legs and a broken arm, lost in December blizzards between Grande Ronde and The Dalles after the axle broke and he didn’t have any spares and nothing to trade, not even spare clothes, bullets or oxen. He was already down the last ox.
Funnily enough, we actually did try to play the game ‘correctly’. Though we had a speedrun mentality.
(I was the ‘smart’ one who realized that one buffalo would be more than your carrying capacity, so you shoot one, quit, go back, shoot another, quit, rinse and repeat, then sell a metric ton of meat and buy yourself a caravan’s worth of wagon parts and replacements.)
Slow start, but a lightning finish.
Ah, i wonder if Gavotte could be hiding in Prudence’s hat.
@mechageist Are you insinuating she has a bee in her bonnet?
…That reminds me, I need to see if I can find a remake of the original Oregon Trail or something. It’d be fun to play again.
I also like how Jones’ complaint is about the hat, not the fact that the woman is obviously crazier than the rest of them put together.
The original runs fine in dosbox.
Well, yeah, did you see that hat? Totally bogus.
Perhaps, but I thought that Captain Malcom Reynolds looked pretty fetching in his pretty floral bonnet.
There’s an updated version of the original out there for ios and android, I believe, but more appropriately for readers here, there’s The Organ Trail, which involves considerably more zombies than the original.
Organ Trail, the post-apocalyptic version that was in one of the recent Humble Bundles, is pretty fun stuff.
I guess Tigerlilly does stay loyal to friends. Probably it’ll be used against her later, but it’s nice to see in action.
I read that as “The next time-rustler who come for my oxen” and got confused.
I don’t think we can rule out the *possibility* of time-rustlers in the Narboniverse, at any rate.
I imagine the Time Monks would set Lobsang against them. Possibly even drag Vimes into it.
I totally read that as time-rustlers. What makes you think you were wrong?
(TUNE: “Oh! Susanna”, Stephen Foster)
Oh, we’re locked up in the Institute,
Where ev’ryone is mad!
And though the food is pretty good,
The clothes are really bad!
When Tigerlily says “We will be
Off and busting out,”
Ms. Frog’s afraid, but she’s persuaded,
Hearing Prudence shout …
[CHORUS:]
”Co-ne-sto-ga,
You’ll kill them thoroughly!
You’re my pride and joy,
And you’ll destroy
Those fools who laughed at me!”
Now Prudence has been in too long,
Her brain is really messed!
It’s in the 19th century
And in the wild old west!
Destroy her foes? Well, once she could
When all her wits she had …
But you can tell her plan’s no good
Because her hat is bad!
[repeat CHORUS]
You realize that not only must this become a video game, but that this must be the theme song? Whose up for kickstarter?
I was expecting (Hoping for?) “Have you met miss Jones”…
An electrified wagon must make it hard for her to cross rivers. I guess if she has enough money on her, she could just pay for the ferry every time, but that’s the most boring way to win.
I love the patch-work word balloon.
Transtemporal cattle rustling. Adding a whole new dimension to a traditional form of profitable mischief.
I always wondered how they got the oxen into that little box anyway. Clearly there’s some kind of space-time discontinuity involved.
It seems to me that if you’re going to have a Conestoga of Death with a built-in Dysentery Ray, you’d want it to fly or hover, to get over the results of your weaponry. That would solve the river-crossing problem.
Now, the time-rustlers going after her oxen, well clearly they were not just ordinary oxen. After all, this is a woman who’s created a Conestoga of Death. I suspect that they were steam-powered cyber-oxen, at the very least. Maybe with Darth Vader-style masks, both for the sound effects and the coolness.
Or, from the evidence of her hat, she could just be crazy. I mean, nobody wears that style at this time of year.
Or this year, even.
I keep wanting someone to make a more complex & nuanced Oregon Trail for today. One where choosing Carpenter instead of Banker improves your odds of fixing wagon axle breaks, where you can choose whether or not to travel with a caravan (better odds of surviving disease, if a doctor’s in the pack, and people to share that buffalo with so it doesn’t go to waste, but worse odds of finding food in bad conditions, and higher chances of catching disease to start with). It’d help me get over my childhood heartbreak when I realized the “professions” weren’t roleplaying skillsets, just pure difficulty level by $$$ available. I’d play that.
Secret bonus mode: you & your party are time travelers who come pre-inoculated against measles, diphtheria, etc and who know how to boil water enough to avoid dysentery.
I’d be all about that, roleplay capability with both skills and party management (in epic cross country treks personalities can become an issue, especially in a caravan) would need to be a special focus.
Whatever you do, don’t take the Hastings Cutoff. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donner_Party
At least one MECC version of Oregon Trail actually recreates that event if you happen to be in the Sierra Nevada at the wrong time.
So we do have a 60s gal: it’s just 1860s.
I’m wondering now: Imogene is an _actual_ 1950s gal displaced in time, while Tigerlilly, at least as far as I know, is 1970s as personal stylistic choice or obsession. Did Prudence arrive from the 19th century on a butter-churn powered time machine [1] or does she just _think_ she’s a native of the 1860s? Or are my assumptions about Tigerlily wrong?
[1] In which case her choice of hat is more defensible
Oh, PLEASE we need to see more of Prudence Fairweather! I so hope she escapes the institute along with the other two!
That Conestoga of Death might have room for several passengers during the breakout so long as Imogene and Tigerlily remember not to laugh at Prudence while they’re still at the Institute and both of them seem the sorts who would be too polite for that even if they weren’t genre-savvy Sparks. ^_^
*ponders*
Mind you, I wouldn’t be surprised if Miss Jone’s sartorial analysis might not mean that they would now both have to don pioneer appropriate clothing in order to ride the Conestoga with Miss Fairweather. <_<