That’s why saucer tech is such a white elephant. If you’re advanced enough to transport living things across interstellar distances, you shouldn’t need to make yourself vulnerable to asymmetric warfare from puny Earthling tech.
1. Launch UFO equipped with at least two kinds of life support.
2. Accelerate ship fast enough to travel between the stars before everybody dies.
3. Decelerate to velocity of target planet.
4. Land. Greet natives. Take samples.
5-8. Repeat steps 1-4 to return home.
Your reward for achieving this technically daunting feat is to accelerate the technological development of a bunch of creepy space worms who, the minute they no longer want anything from you, will paint a white line down the middle of the galaxy and lay claim to everything on one side of it.
Now, rational space travel:
1. Missile launches from surface. No life support systems needed.
2. Accelerate missile between the stars. Time frame is flexible.
3. Missile strikes meteor in deep space, deflecting its orbit.
4. Meteor smashes into alien planet a couple centuries later.
5. Alien planet is plunged into years of frozen darkness. Dominant species and their civilization are wiped out. Peace and quiet reign. If by some chance life survives, they still won’t know where the attack came from.
6. Repeat application every 65 million years or until alien infestation clears up.
Simple, safe, and cheap. Clearly real-life space aliens are more practical than Pavane.
(I was never here, and these are not the droids you are looking for.)
And what if you actually want something from the planet in question? Scorched earth is a defensive tactic because it does nobody any good to capture land that has been destroyed.
So St. Charlie has clashed with flying saucers before? Or did they just develop anti-saucer technology on a theoretical basis, like the anti-Homeric-Cyclope ray, which they developed in case St. Charlie was ever attacked by one of the Cyclopes from “The Odyssey?”
The way I see it, theoretical physicists and mathematicians come up with abstract theories that turn out to have unexpected real-world applications all the time. Who’s to say that Dr. Jitters’s absentminded doodling on a napkin wouldn’t later turn out to be completely relevant to flying saucer conflicts?
(For some reason I’m thinking of Leonardo of Quirm from the Discworld series, who keeps coming up with amusing little ideas that he assumes that nobody would ever be silly enough to try to do anything bad with, since they are so obviously dangerous.)
I was impressed by the fact that whatever it was that burned off his clothes didn’t burn off his chest hair in the process.
That’s a pretty darned selective application of heat.
The fools from the Institute have their city. And A-Sig runs the Institute—what a pity. There’s a weapons collection, now in their intellection of ruthless clothes-burning subcommittee.
Another trip to Black Suit Warehouse? I wonder how often this happens to Echo Bravo?
Probably a lot. And he might get a frequent customer discount.
That’s the easy way to maintain clothing compliance, thus avoiding extirpation.
Often enough that it’s a standard budget line item under the main heading “equipment”.
Visit the Black Suit Warehouse where the prices are UNBELIEVABLY low because *redacted*
You’re gonna [REDACTED] the way you look. I guarantee it.
Buy one suit get [REDACTED], free!
I hope [REDACTED] is socks and underwear, for all our sakes.
I wonder if that’s where the gang went to get theirs for their first day at the Maragda Building… http://skin-horse.com/comic/training-meeting/
The weapon looks to be a Strohl Mark 1. A later mark is to be seen in “Schlock Mercenary”…
That’s why saucer tech is such a white elephant. If you’re advanced enough to transport living things across interstellar distances, you shouldn’t need to make yourself vulnerable to asymmetric warfare from puny Earthling tech.
1. Launch UFO equipped with at least two kinds of life support.
2. Accelerate ship fast enough to travel between the stars before everybody dies.
3. Decelerate to velocity of target planet.
4. Land. Greet natives. Take samples.
5-8. Repeat steps 1-4 to return home.
Your reward for achieving this technically daunting feat is to accelerate the technological development of a bunch of creepy space worms who, the minute they no longer want anything from you, will paint a white line down the middle of the galaxy and lay claim to everything on one side of it.
Now, rational space travel:
1. Missile launches from surface. No life support systems needed.
2. Accelerate missile between the stars. Time frame is flexible.
3. Missile strikes meteor in deep space, deflecting its orbit.
4. Meteor smashes into alien planet a couple centuries later.
5. Alien planet is plunged into years of frozen darkness. Dominant species and their civilization are wiped out. Peace and quiet reign. If by some chance life survives, they still won’t know where the attack came from.
6. Repeat application every 65 million years or until alien infestation clears up.
Simple, safe, and cheap. Clearly real-life space aliens are more practical than Pavane.
(I was never here, and these are not the droids you are looking for.)
Eminently practical, Ogden. Except you’ve overlooked the most important, overriding motivation.
Flavor.
And what if you actually want something from the planet in question? Scorched earth is a defensive tactic because it does nobody any good to capture land that has been destroyed.
Sweetheart said the intellects are ruthless and military. She didn’t say anything about them being SMART.
Yes, but how did Sweetheart know that his name for that suit was ‘Ruth’?
There is the old saying about ‘military intelligence’ being an oxymoron.
So St. Charlie has clashed with flying saucers before? Or did they just develop anti-saucer technology on a theoretical basis, like the anti-Homeric-Cyclope ray, which they developed in case St. Charlie was ever attacked by one of the Cyclopes from “The Odyssey?”
Perhaps it’s a byproduct of the Bicycle Tech Wars. Somehow one (or more) of the bicycle mads was involved.
The way I see it, theoretical physicists and mathematicians come up with abstract theories that turn out to have unexpected real-world applications all the time. Who’s to say that Dr. Jitters’s absentminded doodling on a napkin wouldn’t later turn out to be completely relevant to flying saucer conflicts?
(For some reason I’m thinking of Leonardo of Quirm from the Discworld series, who keeps coming up with amusing little ideas that he assumes that nobody would ever be silly enough to try to do anything bad with, since they are so obviously dangerous.)
That “get nekkid” gun must be a big hit at parties.
Only if the can’t get the finite improbability generators working.
Physically going to Black Suit Warehouse is a pain, but they stopped doing delivery by government order. It was a security risk.
Just like how people kept finding Google’s secret data centers from all those pizza deliveries to nowhere.
I was impressed by the fact that whatever it was that burned off his clothes didn’t burn off his chest hair in the process.
That’s a pretty darned selective application of heat.
Unless it only affects polyester or some other non-natural fabric. Which leaves the “quality” of the black suits in doubt.
A-Sig is, after all, an evil organization: they’re probably cheap, too.
The fools from the Institute have their city. And A-Sig runs the Institute—what a pity. There’s a weapons collection, now in their intellection of ruthless clothes-burning subcommittee.
Good one!
I greatly enjoy Off-Brand Dollar Store Mulder & Scully.
Same here!