“And in other news today, the USS Constitution exploded under mysterious circumstances earlier today. A spokesman for the National Parks Service said they were unsure what happened, but believed a previously undiscovered cache of gunpowder may have been set off during routine electrical repairs. Luckily, the blast was largely contained, and no one was hurt.
‘Old Ironsides,” as it is known, will be inspected for the extent of the damage, but the NPS expects that they will be able to fully repair the 224-year-old ship. In the meantime it remains closed to visitors until further notice.”
Ruby gathered the crazies of old St. Charlie,
Sayin’, “Josh, there’s not much time.
They are not here to help, they are old Anasigma,
You must send out the escape pod in time.”
Then he looked ‘round and asked his companion,
“Just where does the escape pod go?”
He was told it comes up in the Charles River
Through the good ol’ Constitution, so.
It’s a mighty rough trip in a rail gun capsule
In a tube with a vertical grade
With a “Boom!” and “Fwoo!” and a good “And fire!”
You can see what a jump they made.
They were fired out the tube, going several miles a second.
Going too fast to catch their screams.
They’ll be found in a crater when they come to crash it,
And scraped off like putty, it seems.
Now, mad in St. Charlie, you must all take notice
That things are of great concern.
When the dogs come by and they’re making a rescue,
Your escape pod may never return.
—from “The Wreck of the Old ’97,” authorship disputed, sung by, well, a lot of people.
The escape pod goes up and goes where? Up-up-and-away it will fare. It’ll mean dissolution of the old Constitution, but I’d say they don’t really care.
Nicholas Cage will be very surprised.
U.S.S. Constitution, not U.S. Constitution. Still, I suppose if he happens to be taking in the harbor sights, Nick Cage would be surprised.
Ooh, National Treasure 3, the one where they steal the USS Constitution!
Combine it with the Fast and the Furious franchise…
I’ve always wanted to see a prequel revealing how the Founding Father’s collected the treasure.
They have to steal the U.S.S. Constitution because it holds a scrimshaw map to Atlantis, right?
Also, I like that the only differences between a pneumatic message tube and an escape capsule tube are diameter and gumption.
Ever see the stories about New York’s first subway? Here’s Wikipedia’s writeup: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beach_Pneumatic_Transit
Anything is an escape tube if you’re brave enough.
Brave/desperate
Brave/desperate/crazy
Brave/desperate/crazy/well-lubricated
You forget where you are
Ironsides is gonna be really ticked off about that. Scrounging those rocket engines wasn’t easy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5SZMG4euyM
One of my absolute favorite missions.
He gets a few mad scientists that aren’t reality blind to help him on his quest if he manages to intercept the escape pod, so it’s a net plus for him.
Fair point!
What’s a mad science escape plan without some collateral property damage?
Assuming that the other end wasn’t built into the ship somehow. Remember, ‘impossible’ doesn’t exist in St. Charlie.
And I love that muddy water…
Boston, yer my home. Doot doot doota doo
“Aye, tear her tattered ensign down…”
“And in other news today, the USS Constitution exploded under mysterious circumstances earlier today. A spokesman for the National Parks Service said they were unsure what happened, but believed a previously undiscovered cache of gunpowder may have been set off during routine electrical repairs. Luckily, the blast was largely contained, and no one was hurt.
‘Old Ironsides,” as it is known, will be inspected for the extent of the damage, but the NPS expects that they will be able to fully repair the 224-year-old ship. In the meantime it remains closed to visitors until further notice.”
Oh, they never returned, they never returned, and their fate is still unlearned…
You guys just kill my song parodies today.
These guys seem to have come closer… “St.” Charlie?
It’s my assumption that they’re named after the Man Who Never Returned.
I tried to post a link to the MTA song, but it vanished…
A day late, but here it is on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7Jw_v3F_Q0
Ruby gathered the crazies of old St. Charlie,
Sayin’, “Josh, there’s not much time.
They are not here to help, they are old Anasigma,
You must send out the escape pod in time.”
Then he looked ‘round and asked his companion,
“Just where does the escape pod go?”
He was told it comes up in the Charles River
Through the good ol’ Constitution, so.
It’s a mighty rough trip in a rail gun capsule
In a tube with a vertical grade
With a “Boom!” and “Fwoo!” and a good “And fire!”
You can see what a jump they made.
They were fired out the tube, going several miles a second.
Going too fast to catch their screams.
They’ll be found in a crater when they come to crash it,
And scraped off like putty, it seems.
Now, mad in St. Charlie, you must all take notice
That things are of great concern.
When the dogs come by and they’re making a rescue,
Your escape pod may never return.
—from “The Wreck of the Old ’97,” authorship disputed, sung by, well, a lot of people.
The escape pod goes up and goes where? Up-up-and-away it will fare. It’ll mean dissolution of the old Constitution, but I’d say they don’t really care.