Dear Coco Colada Hut manager:
My compatriot and I specifically ordered the boneless hot wings, but your waitress brought bone-in hot wings. This may have been an honest mistake, but she then asked my table-mate to remove “her dog”, i.e. me, from the restaurant. As a sapient dual-citizen of these United States and Canada, and a government employee of the United States of America, I will not stand for this speciesism! I left without tipping the waitress, and DIDN’T organize my group’s napkins, dishes, and silverware conveniently near the aisle edge of the table. If you do not comply with my current demand to ensure proper interspecies relations in your restaurant, I will send a strongly-worded letter to the head of the Department of Nonhuman Sophont Affairs, who I know PERSONALLY.
RSVP within eight business days.
Regards,
The Monster.
P.S.: I’m sorry if I used excessive capitalization and exclamatory punctuation.
Having personally performed this sort of rampage in the past, I’ve been sorely disappointed with the results. It simply doesn’t seem to attract the sort of respect and/or media attention that the more flamboyant, Unity-style rampage garners. It seems a bit unfair, somehow.
Unity might THINK that that’s how we Canadians would rampage, but I’ll bet she’s never been to White Avenue in Edmonton, Alberta right after a hockey game!
And we shall tell them what to do, and if they say they won’t
We shall ask again politely, and if they still don’t
We will tell them “It’s alright, we don’t want to criticize
But perhaps you would consider some form of compromise?”
That was exactly what I was thinking from the moment I read Sweetheart’s backstory 😀
….Your preferred sex. Hrm. Interesting.
Dear Coco Colada Hut manager:
My compatriot and I specifically ordered the boneless hot wings, but your waitress brought bone-in hot wings. This may have been an honest mistake, but she then asked my table-mate to remove “her dog”, i.e. me, from the restaurant. As a sapient dual-citizen of these United States and Canada, and a government employee of the United States of America, I will not stand for this speciesism! I left without tipping the waitress, and DIDN’T organize my group’s napkins, dishes, and silverware conveniently near the aisle edge of the table. If you do not comply with my current demand to ensure proper interspecies relations in your restaurant, I will send a strongly-worded letter to the head of the Department of Nonhuman Sophont Affairs, who I know PERSONALLY.
RSVP within eight business days.
Regards,
The Monster.
P.S.: I’m sorry if I used excessive capitalization and exclamatory punctuation.
This is perfect. Politest. Rampage. Ever!
Having personally performed this sort of rampage in the past, I’ve been sorely disappointed with the results. It simply doesn’t seem to attract the sort of respect and/or media attention that the more flamboyant, Unity-style rampage garners. It seems a bit unfair, somehow.
Oh yes, I *am* Canadian, why do you ask?
Well, frankly, this kind of rampage isn’t supposed to draw a lot of attention. It’s more symbolic than anything.
Accepted as canon.
Unity might THINK that that’s how we Canadians would rampage, but I’ll bet she’s never been to White Avenue in Edmonton, Alberta right after a hockey game!
And we shall tell them what to do, and if they say they won’t
We shall ask again politely, and if they still don’t
We will tell them “It’s alright, we don’t want to criticize
But perhaps you would consider some form of compromise?”
(When Canada Rules The World by The Arrogant Worms)