Do your vegetables just LIE there? What if they could march into the sink…the blender…the oven…the kids lunchbox?
And do you love gardening but HATE pulling weeds? With ‘Vegetable Shambler’ the weeds pull themselves! [cue elderly woman in work gloves and a sun hat turning to camera “Thanks Vegetable Shambler!”]
How often have things in your household died and not come back to life? Don’t take the dog to a voodoo witch! That could cost you hundreds! With ‘Vegetable Shambler’ Fido can run and play again! [cue tots playing with oozy zombie dog with leafy tongue lolling out “Thanks Vegetable Shambler!”]
And that’s not all! Order in the next 90 minutes, and get this free gnawing hat FREE! Makes a great pet, or a perfect gift for that balding Uncle you don’t want to see anymore!
What makes you so sure those are the only possibilities? What about 4. It’s so much smarter than all of the Skin Horse representatives combined that it pulls a Xanatos Gambit to get them to do something completely different?
I expect other readers can come up with even stranger outcomes.
Sounds like a subset of 1 to me. Just because it’s an evil genius voiced by Jonathon Frakes doesn’t mean it isn’t eligible for protection, and the easiest way to buy time is to start negotiations.
Seems extremely unlikely, I’d be almost certain that its intelligence increases with size and age, and it’s much smaller than the Cypress and much younger too.
Possibly. On the other hand, being chronically underfunded social workers, they don’t have the means to actually enact any of those procedures. Unless one of the procedures is “Sic UNITY on the client, then hide under a desk until it’s all over,” I guess.
There’s also 6. Sapient, and unable to negotiate (i.e intelligence so far beyond, or so alien to, mortal ken, that it cannot speak to us on our level). Send Unity in, close the door. Don’t open until the noises stop.
In the case of 6, extract U.N.I.T.Y.’s nanites, inject them into a rat, then feed the rat to the swamp. After the nanites take over the swamp. extract them and return them to U.N.I.T.Y.’s baseform body.
U.N.I.T.Y. should now be able to interact with the swamp in some fashion, making it a case 1 situation.
poem: “The Bat,” Frank Jacobs, Mad for Better or Verse, 1968
Hats are foxy; hats are hairy;
Found in shafts not sanitary;
Hats can be a kind of zombie;
Moving like bewitched by Mombi;
Unity makes hats from foxes;
Later, gators that girl boxes;
Hats will nom upon your noggin;
While through sentient swamps you’re sloggin’;
Hats: without them you undressed are;
Hats by Emp’rors unimpressed are!
Anything I know about filking, I learned from Frank Jacobs. Reading Mad Magazine inspired my first filk (though we didn’t have that word), about The Man from U.N.C.L.E. In the 8th grade, I took his James Bond parody and added songs to make a full-length musical. I tried to stage it at school, but writing is one thing, producing quite another.
Mad Magazine was awesome, I was turned on to it in the 3rd grade in the early ’70s. My father-in-law played a round of golf with James Maccallum and my wife was PO’d when he didn’t get an autograph, she’s been a huge fan of TMfU, one of her earlier slash fandoms before she knew what slash was.
Beyond being the best definition of zombie I’ve yet encountered, does this make Emperor Norton an extremely efficient way of getting votes in? Or do different wills impact him differently? Could those votes even be weighted by how much each undead cares? Are all undead zombies (or vice versa?) Am I overthinking this? Do I care?
I want to meet Queen Elena. I’m dissatisfied with the Empress tarot card.
Yes! Frank Jacobs was also one of my early inspirations. I remember well the “Mad Poetry Round Robin”, and the “White House Follies” (imagine the Nixon administration singing Gilbert & Sullivan).
Well, we learned how to filk from this writer for Mad,
Frank Jacobs! Frank Jacobs! Frank Jacobs!
And from him, an outstanding example we had!
Frank Jacobs! Frank Jacobs! Frank Jacobs!
If he had a machine that could travel through time,
He’d be commenting here, both in prose and in rhyme!
And he outdo us all, with some filking sublime …
Frank Jacobs! Frank Jacobs! Frank Jacobs!
He’s still alive, you know. And if I was him, I’d probably be able to do something better than “my vegetable shambler will grow / vaster than emperors / and more slow”
So Emperor Norton is the Genius loci of San Francisco?! Or is He some kind of manifested Zeitgeist For the people of Colma?! Everyone is just ignoring that third speech bubble!
The “Vegetable Shambler” sounds like something you’d buy over the phone for $19.95.
I’m imagining an infomercial right now…..
Do your vegetables just LIE there? What if they could march into the sink…the blender…the oven…the kids lunchbox?
And do you love gardening but HATE pulling weeds? With ‘Vegetable Shambler’ the weeds pull themselves! [cue elderly woman in work gloves and a sun hat turning to camera “Thanks Vegetable Shambler!”]
How often have things in your household died and not come back to life? Don’t take the dog to a voodoo witch! That could cost you hundreds! With ‘Vegetable Shambler’ Fido can run and play again! [cue tots playing with oozy zombie dog with leafy tongue lolling out “Thanks Vegetable Shambler!”]
And that’s not all! Order in the next 90 minutes, and get this free gnawing hat FREE! Makes a great pet, or a perfect gift for that balding Uncle you don’t want to see anymore!
Also a good name for a band. And a government op.
There’s three outcomes of trying to reason with it:
1. It is sapient and open to reason/negotiation. It is eligible for protection from Skin Horse and they can do everything they can to talk it down.
2. It is sapient but unwilling to negotiate. Control falls under Skin Horse’s purview and they take measures to isolate it or otherwise neutralize it.
3. It is not sapient. It should be treated like a man eating animal and put down or otherwise isolated.
What makes you so sure those are the only possibilities? What about 4. It’s so much smarter than all of the Skin Horse representatives combined that it pulls a Xanatos Gambit to get them to do something completely different?
I expect other readers can come up with even stranger outcomes.
That’s still option 1, just with a poor outcome.
Sounds like a subset of 1 to me. Just because it’s an evil genius voiced by Jonathon Frakes doesn’t mean it isn’t eligible for protection, and the easiest way to buy time is to start negotiations.
Seems extremely unlikely, I’d be almost certain that its intelligence increases with size and age, and it’s much smaller than the Cypress and much younger too.
5. It is sapient, unwilling to negotiate, and preparing to spawn. Take off and nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
I suspect that, being social workers, Skin Horse DO have procedures in place for “The client has declared war on us”.
Possibly. On the other hand, being chronically underfunded social workers, they don’t have the means to actually enact any of those procedures. Unless one of the procedures is “Sic UNITY on the client, then hide under a desk until it’s all over,” I guess.
It happened before. The majority of the non-human population of their basement declared war on them. So yes, they have a procedure in place.
As far as I know, they made a file about it and proceeded to ignore it.
There’s also 6. Sapient, and unable to negotiate (i.e intelligence so far beyond, or so alien to, mortal ken, that it cannot speak to us on our level). Send Unity in, close the door. Don’t open until the noises stop.
In the case of 6, extract U.N.I.T.Y.’s nanites, inject them into a rat, then feed the rat to the swamp. After the nanites take over the swamp. extract them and return them to U.N.I.T.Y.’s baseform body.
U.N.I.T.Y. should now be able to interact with the swamp in some fashion, making it a case 1 situation.
poem: “The Bat,” Frank Jacobs, Mad for Better or Verse, 1968
Hats are foxy; hats are hairy;
Found in shafts not sanitary;
Hats can be a kind of zombie;
Moving like bewitched by Mombi;
Unity makes hats from foxes;
Later, gators that girl boxes;
Hats will nom upon your noggin;
While through sentient swamps you’re sloggin’;
Hats: without them you undressed are;
Hats by Emp’rors unimpressed are!
Anything I know about filking, I learned from Frank Jacobs. Reading Mad Magazine inspired my first filk (though we didn’t have that word), about The Man from U.N.C.L.E. In the 8th grade, I took his James Bond parody and added songs to make a full-length musical. I tried to stage it at school, but writing is one thing, producing quite another.
Mad Magazine was awesome, I was turned on to it in the 3rd grade in the early ’70s. My father-in-law played a round of golf with James Maccallum and my wife was PO’d when he didn’t get an autograph, she’s been a huge fan of TMfU, one of her earlier slash fandoms before she knew what slash was.
I assume the Frank Jacob poem was your inspiration, unless he had a time machine.
Well yes, but now I really want Frank Jacobs to have a time machine.
So does that also make Norton the madness of crowds?
K.T. should be advised, that any plan where you lose your hat is a bad plan.
Girl Genius Fan by any chance? Recognize the quote there….
Please note, the hat is semi-sentient and capable of independent movement. K.T. needs to worry about the hat losing her!
“Sometimes not smashing stuff pays out.” Who or what are you, and what have you done with the real Unity?
Well, the stuff might be a candy factory! You don’t know!
But it’s much easier to get the candy if you smash the walls and storage facilities.
Who ever said anything about it being easier?
eh, it’s probably the brains hangover talking
Sweetheart promised her sandwiches.
Beyond being the best definition of zombie I’ve yet encountered, does this make Emperor Norton an extremely efficient way of getting votes in? Or do different wills impact him differently? Could those votes even be weighted by how much each undead cares? Are all undead zombies (or vice versa?) Am I overthinking this? Do I care?
I want to meet Queen Elena. I’m dissatisfied with the Empress tarot card.
Extraordinary Popular Delusion? Hey, I think I’ve got that book!
Yes! Frank Jacobs was also one of my early inspirations. I remember well the “Mad Poetry Round Robin”, and the “White House Follies” (imagine the Nixon administration singing Gilbert & Sullivan).
(TUNE: “I Am The Walrus”, The Beatles)
I’m not you
And you’re not him
And he’s not me,
But we all related!
Think how you feel
When you want a meal,
You need it …
Let’s feed it!
If we skip the smashing …
Then we get a bitchin’ hat!
Ve-ge-ta-ble shambler,
Trying to survive here,
Yeah, it’s one of us,it’s
Quackin’ like a duck and all …
Negotiation,
With vegetation …
Undead United!
gnar gnar gn’gnar, gnar gnar gnar gn’gnar …
It’s always worked for the Hulk….
Even Hulk learnt when not to smash!
Does KT have stitches through her right eyeball?
But… smashing is my strengths…
Are smart Unity and normal Unity beginning to merge? She sounds suspiciously rational & literate in those first 3 panels.
Same thing happened after the Notary Incident. Keep in mind Unity is, what, 10 years old now? Maybe less?
Gee, a ref like that, now I know I’m in the right room (though I’m hearing Marina Sirtis’s voice for the Cypress, myself).
(TUNE: “Titwillow”, Gilbert & Sullivan)
Well, we learned how to filk from this writer for Mad,
Frank Jacobs! Frank Jacobs! Frank Jacobs!
And from him, an outstanding example we had!
Frank Jacobs! Frank Jacobs! Frank Jacobs!
If he had a machine that could travel through time,
He’d be commenting here, both in prose and in rhyme!
And he outdo us all, with some filking sublime …
Frank Jacobs! Frank Jacobs! Frank Jacobs!
He’s still alive, you know. And if I was him, I’d probably be able to do something better than “my vegetable shambler will grow / vaster than emperors / and more slow”
So Emperor Norton is the Genius loci of San Francisco?! Or is He some kind of manifested Zeitgeist For the people of Colma?! Everyone is just ignoring that third speech bubble!