Skin Horse

By Shaenon K. Garrity & Jeffrey C. Wells
By Shaenon K. Garrity & Jeffrey C. Wells
Color by Pancha Diaz
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2014-02-26
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2014-02-26

by shaenon on February 26, 2014 at 12:01 am
Chapter: My Brother Sam Is Dead
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Discussion (20) ¬

  1. Norman
    February 26, 2014, 12:07 am | # | Reply

    And another language bites the dust…

  2. Manifesta
    February 26, 2014, 12:18 am | # | Reply

    He should try Pig Yiddish: Kiss my uchastay, you erkaktefay utzpay. It will confuse the swear filter, since Nick’s a nice Jewish boy and the language is treyf.

    • Manifesta
      February 26, 2014, 2:30 am | # | Reply

      tune: “Everything Is Awesome,” Tegan and Sara feat. The Lonely Island, The Lego Movie

      CHORUS
      I can’t swear in Yiddish!
      Can no longer curse in the tongue of my peeps
      I can’t swear in Yiddish!
      All I get are freakin’ bleeps

      Stupid-apse swear filter
      Throws my flow off-kilter
      Tell Doc Lee I gave up and became a quilter
      Yeah, that oughtta guilt her
      Can’t believe she made me so polite
      This swear filter’s a pile of shite!

      CHORUS

      Whoa!
      3, 2, 1, go!

      Have you heard the news
      I feel kind of skittish
      Can’t express my deepest thoughts in Yiddish
      It’s a language with bits of a lot of ’em
      Ashkenazi Jews, that’s who thought of ’em

      This filter makes it so I can’t say bupkis
      I feel so naked, might as well be borves
      Now I’m wishin’ auf dein hent und fiss
      I was fine, why did she have to kibitz
      She’s all fine and farpitz
      I’m down in the tar pits
      Ongepatshket is how I sound
      Like some kinda dorfying instead of profound
      (Instead of profound)

      Stupid-apse swear filter
      Throws my flow off-kilter
      Tell Doc Lee I gave up and became a quilter
      Yeah, that oughtta guilt her
      Can’t believe she made me so polite
      This swear filter’s a pile of shite!

      CHORUS

      Hakn a tshaynik’s all I do
      Can’t make my real thoughts come through
      Ikh bin broygez vegn alts ding
      I’m Swissed off at everything!

      Shiksa, goy, shaygets, oy!
      Gentiles change my words? Azoy?
      Yiddishkeit, derech erets
      Yiddish is the best! Respect!

      Bren, bentsch, mentsch
      That’s Yiddish!
      Broch, doch and noch
      That’s Yiddish!
      Gey and zey, oy vey
      They’re Yiddish!
      Everything I think and want to say
      Is Yiddish!

      CHORUS

    • Andrew
      February 26, 2014, 6:51 am | # | Reply

      Pig Yiddish doesn’t sound kosher.

  3. Jay Eff
    February 26, 2014, 12:19 am | # | Reply

    Curdled fur is the worst kind of fur.
    Especially on wet dogs.

  4. Valerie Kaplan
    February 26, 2014, 12:41 am | # | Reply

    Noooo! But Yiddish is so expressive!

  5. Jay
    February 26, 2014, 12:44 am | # | Reply

    Anyone know enough Yiddish to defilter those words?

  6. okiegoddess
    February 26, 2014, 1:17 am | # | Reply

    What? Tuchas, Ferkakate, and putz?

    • Jay
      February 26, 2014, 2:55 am | # | Reply

      Bivalve and sweet spring; I can mostly understand Manifesta’s posts 🙂

      • okiegoddess
        February 26, 2014, 10:20 am | # | Reply

        Ah, that makes more sense. In my defense, fighting a cold so my synapses aren’t all firing right.

  7. theysabet
    February 26, 2014, 2:01 am | # | Reply

    Maybe if he mixed languages? Swears in an unholy collage of Russian, Afrikaans and Hopi would probably do the trick.

  8. mittfh
    February 26, 2014, 4:21 am | # | Reply

    Klingon’s probably got a few choice swears and insults…

  9. Slandor the Besmirchinator
    February 26, 2014, 6:29 am | # | Reply

    I’m guessing that bivalve wasn’t Yiddish. The swear filter is being ungenerous, since Sweetheart really is a bivalve.

  10. jdreyfuss
    February 26, 2014, 6:40 am | # | Reply

    That’s an enormous library of swear words and penis-related idioms down the drain right there. RIP, Nick’s free expression in Yiddish. Serioously though, it got “pork” in less than five minutes. How has it taken this long to learn Yiddish?

    • AndersW
      February 26, 2014, 4:21 pm | # | Reply

      He used “pork” like 8 times in a row. He made it easy to identify that one.

  11. Eddurd
    February 26, 2014, 7:11 am | # | Reply

    Go awesome yourself, Kay! 😀 Now it’s my turn …

    (TUNE: “I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outa My Hair”, Rodgers & Hammerstein)

    I want to get that filter out of my swears!
    It makes feel off-kilter! Nobody cares!
    I want to get that filter out of my swears!
    It’s learned new words today!

    I cannot swear in English, Yiddish, or French!
    It makes me feel so wimpy, less of a mensch!
    I cannot swear in English, Yiddish, or French!
    It censors me, oy vey!

     Can’t even hint a bit
     (Doctor Lee, Doctor Lee)
     How we’d get intimate!
     (Her ane me, physic’lly)
     I feel bugged, I never hugged
     Or kissed her!

    I really hate not being able to swear!
    The dog is drunk and sleepy, she doesn’t care …
    I really hate not being able to swear!
    This filter’s full of spray!

  12. =Tamar
    February 26, 2014, 11:09 am | # | Reply

    “Fur-curdling” is pretty close to what he probably tried for. Maybe the filter is sentient enough to be bored or rebellious and is trying to circumvent its reason for being?

  13. Smithnik
    February 26, 2014, 12:32 pm | # | Reply

    In response to jdrefuss:
    Seriously? You’re wondering how a computer AI programmed to analyze and filter English could possibly have trouble with a language that’s a mix of Hebrew, German and anything else that wandered by that day, and with a syntax that would make Yoda cringe?
    Hybrid languages are, by their nature, tricky. That’s why English itself is difficult for anyone who first learned a sensible language.

    • jdreyfuss
      February 26, 2014, 6:42 pm | # | Reply

      Except that the “pork” episode demonstrates that its learning algorithm appears to based on the speaker’s intent, not the individual words. It’s a feature that makes sense, given the inherent difficulty of sensing foreign swear words and avoiding the Scunthorpe/B’reshit problem that blind idiot filters have.

  14. Galian Ryu
    February 26, 2014, 10:34 pm | # | Reply

    Like the ones in many MMO games:
    1. We’re going to block the word “a**”.
    2. People start shoving it between two nonsensical characters or separating it with spaces.
    3. Okay, we’re going to block any string of character that has the letters A, S, and S in it.
    4. Nobody in the game can carry on a coherent conversation anymore.
    5. Company gives up pretending people don’t swear on the internet.

    Though sadly, there are still many games that never moved beyond step 4.

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