2014-08-01
Art for today brought to you by Dazhbug! You may check out a higher-resolution version of this strip over on the GoComics mirror!
Skin Horse
By Shaenon K. Garrity & Jeffrey C. Wells
Art for today brought to you by Dazhbug! You may check out a higher-resolution version of this strip over on the GoComics mirror!
The Parental Natural Resource Music Center asks the hard questions.
1. How has the whale population changed in the past 500 years?
2. How has the fraction of whales who call to their mothers at least once a day, even if they are a thousand miles apart, changed in the past 500 years?
3. How has the population of whale gangster rappers changed in the past 500 years?
4. How does the answer to the third question relate to the first two?
And now I’m imagining Hugey P as having a stereotypical Jewsish mother (except she’s a whale)
1. It has been reduced by 90%
2. Roughly tripled in the last 500 years, as the available bandwidth is much less congested.
3. There were no gangster rappers 500 years ago.
4. Gangster rappers are mother lovers.
Hmm, those answers don’t advance the theme. Can you fit in something about violent whale song lyrics undermining the fabric of society?
Concerning point #2, it suggests here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whale_vocalization that the ocean bandwidth is more congested now than before, being consumed by “ships, sonar and marine seismic surveys”. Sharks, squid, and Japanese snorklers do not sing, but they do scream into the water just to be annoying. Also possibly whale sharks that are maddened from being rejected from both the whale and shark communities and feel themselves monstrous, but not shark whales, of which there are almost none because male sharks and female whales are commonly perceived as insufficiently attractive to justify interspecies relationships.
(TUNE: “Danger Zone”, Kenny Loggins)
Music fans are clueless, something messin’ with their heads …
Only want a contract, I don’t want no stinkin’ Feds …
I am full of whalebone!
They won’t pull my whalebone!
Gotta learn to watch my back, ’cause I don’t want no cops …
Poachers always try to literally bust my chops!
I am full of whalebone!
Try to cull my whalebone!
The way they rip me is a crime!
I wanna get a million-dollar sum …
I want a contract for my rhymes,
A record goin’ triple platinum!
Playa, now you wouldn’t like me when I’m gettin’ mean …
Pop a cap in anybody bustin’ my baleen!
I am full of whalebone!
Raid my skull for whalebone!
He’s lying, you know. He’s actually got a giant pile of ivory down there.
Narwhal ivory? Walrus ivory?
“I’m a regulated substance” is now my favorite line ever.
“Non-human legal assistance” – ! Cue the recently unemployed and now freelance (Roving mercenaries? Hired guns? ) SkinHorse Team!
I don’t think so; not yet, at least. I think the point of this storyline is to highlight the consequences of SH not being there anymore.
Better question: how does the Federal anything apply here? I’m pretty sure this is international waters (whales can’t exactly live in the shallows)
I think you’re underestimating the depth of territorial waters. (Even if they were in international waters, though, since Mr Big is infringing within the US, wouldn’t federal law still be applicable in this situation?)
The U.N. recognized Exclusive Economic Zones extend out to 200 nm, so conceivably anything recorded in those waters is under the jurisdiction of the closest nation (Red China notwithstanding) within that range.
That’s a pretty fair chunk of territory that includes a lot of whale feeding, breeding, and singing grounds.
Based on Tuesday’s comic, Hughey’s going a lot closer than 12 miles from the nearest bit of land.
This brings up the question of if other countries have similar organizations to help nonhuman sentients.
That might be interesting to see. I wonder what Russian Skin Horse is like. Or German Skin Horse. They’ve got a ton of mad scientists over there.
The Russians still have the Gulag and the Germans are supporting the entire EU right now.
And both are getting tired of their designated roles.
The normal people are getting tired, sure, but the mad scientists aren’t.